I put my library card in and the machine helpfully says "Hello Dr Dood! Your account is great. Please take as many books as you see fit" so I scan the books. The very instant the first book touches the scanner the machine starts screaming "STOP! STOP YOU EVIL BASTARD! YOU OWE US FIFTEEN PENCE IN LATE FEES! YOU FUCKING SUCK! PAY US THE PRECIOUS FIFTEEN PENCE NOW! IF YOU DON'T YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR BOOKS AND YOU CAN'T DO YOUR SUPER IMPORTANT ESSAY!" which surprised me, as it's a library and you're supposed to be quiet in libraries.
The machine had a handy little piece of paper next to it explaining the fee process and using my incredible math skillz I worked out that at 15p of fine for each day a book is late, I had returned a book exactly one day late. I'd only gotten one book out at the library before[EDITOR'S NOTE: Check out Dr Dood's Blog from 4th December 2006 for that exciting yarn!] so I knew where the fine had come from and was aware at the time I may have returned it late. But when I was returning the book it made no mention of it being late, something that I would have expected to happen. If I had designed the book returning machine I would have it shout "Hey! Look at this guy! He returned a book late! Everyone mock him! Mock him and his poor time management!" if someone returned a book late.
But I digress, I had to pay off my fine before I could check out my books. I had two options, pay the fine and check out the books, or find a spare computer in the library and do my essay there. I fucking hate the library so there was no way I was staying there so I decided to pay off the fine. I went up to the security guard guy and asked if I could pay off the fine, but he told me that I couldn't. It was late. I'd have to come back tomorrow at 12. So that's what I plan to do.